I guess your W wants to rugsweep, and you're willing, but you're stuffing your feelings. You stuffed them when they happened, and 7 months later, they came back to haunt you.
She says it won't happen again. But she's been on at least a slippery slope a number of times that you know about. What makes that OK with you? Look, I'm happy I don't own my W. She made vows, as did I, but we can disavow them at any time, so she doesn't owe me all that much (though I'd be devastated if she told me she was done with me, and I'm betting she won't do that). But I'm pretty sure I would not be satisfied with a W who only goes as far as the slippery slope, except once in a while.
At this point, you're not ready to risk your connection with your W, but you have to risk your M to deal with your feelings about what your W did - and what you saw.
Right now you're dooming yourself to stuffed feelings that will come up time and again. You're telling yourself she's the only partner you can want, even though she's a less than great partner, and even though there are other women who are likely to turn you on as much as your W does. Believe me, I'm hooked on my W. I haven't had a date with anyone else since 1966, and all during those last dates, I heard a message in my head shouting, 'I want to be with W2b.' Even so, I've met numerous women I would have at least attempted to get close to if I had been single.
What's keeping you from demanding a relationship without betrayal? What's keeping you from demanding that your W change from betrayer to good partner?
You can't change your W, but you can change how you respond to her.
Note: I'm not saying D. I'm saying that you have a problem, that it's hard enough to solve that you came to an anonymous Internet forum for support, and that the best way to deal with the problem is to address it with your W as soon as you can.
You're accepting less than you deserve. If you can't bring yourself to address the problem head on, a good IC can help.
Bro, I know this is difficult and extremely painful, but you can solve your problem with your W, even if you don't realize it yet.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:06 PM, Wednesday, March 25th]
