SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m married in 2006 and 2012 we had our first child. In 2014 I was working from home and my wife was working from the office when suddenly a phone start to ring in back of me. It was my wife’s phone before she upgraded and messages were coming in on Skype. I checked the messages and that’s what my heart broke. It was her texting another man. I read through the messages and realize that he was living eight hours away and had two children and a wife. I didn’t confront her first because I wanted to dig enough to find the truth. I search phone bills, messaging accounts and emails. I found out that she had joined lava life ( the same site we met on) which is a dating site and was also actively messaging other men on there as well as this other man on Skype that she had met through Facebook. I waited about two months to confront her once I figured out all the information I could dig up and there was nothing left to find when I confronted her. She denied everything at first until I started pulling out evidence.

At first I started with the lava life people she was messaging. It took her 30 minutes to acknowledge that that was happening
then when I asked her if there was anything else, she assured me, there was nothing but then I brought out the love letter that she wrote him, her second secret came to surface.
At a time it was just an emotional affair. It was crushing at the time and quite friendly and while it was crushing I didn’t want to break up the family. I didn’t know how to deal with it, but I really wanted to keep the family together and just moved on.
Fast-forward to may 2025

I was bringing my daughter to the clinic while my other two kids were being taken care of by my dad. My dad called me to ask me when my wife is coming home and told me he couldn’t reach her. At that moment, I checked the find my app and located at a hotel 15 minutes away from my location. That’s why I knew something was up again. I went to the hotel. I waited to see if I could find her but the car stated moving, and I followed it all the way to the corner of the house. She got out of the car about five minutes before I reached her. She made up a whole story about why her phone wasn’t on and was in airplane mode
Once again, I didn’t confront it right away because I needed to dig to find the truth. I saw she was texting on WhatsApp quite a bit and she told me she was texting her cousin, but I knew there was something on that phone and I couldn’t access it because all of the apps and the phone were locked with her face. I searched the Internet for security loopholes to get into the phone and after about two weeks I was able to access WhatsApp and export the full chat as well as get a live feed of all texts going in and out of the phone on a separate computer
it’s been crushing to see these things And read what’s going on behind the scenes. I’ve already seen a D lawyer like I did the first time but this time I know which direction I’ll choose.

I still haven’t confronted her because I wanna get my finances in order before I make any moves but it’s very difficult when she’s constantly texting him right in front of me at the table, in the car, in the bed and even at my dads house.
And they’re having secret meetings every week or two weeks when she has to go into work I’m struggling day by day and she’s very manipulated with her I love youse and being so kind and sweet at home.
I’ve even hired a PI 2x to film her make out session at a mall and also going in and out of a hotel.
the worst part is he’s even married with three children at 59 years old and from what I read on the text, they met on Ashley Madison, which is a website for married people who wanna cheat on our spouses.
she’s even questioning my whereabouts suspicious of me but I’ve been faithful for the last 19 years. I’m taking the next 30 days to get my finances together for my business with my accountant and spend as much time with my children as I can during our 30 day vacation in a house shared with my dad and my sister. I don’t want my kids to lose their summer, that they’ve been looking forward to. Lord grant me strength and patience to get through this summer. I’m still crushed, but I’m remaining focussed and writing a journal so I can remember all the lies and betrayal she’s done since she started talking to him mid April. God knows if there have been other incedents in between.

Maison,

Sorry you had need to find this site. Check out the Healing Library here and the pinned posts at the top of this forum. Pay particular attention to the simplified 180.

the worst part is he’s even married with three children

Once your ducks are in a row please let his betrayed wife know. She deserves to be able to make the same decisions about her life as you do.

God knows if there have been other incedents in between

.

She’s a serial cheater. I would be surprised if these are the only two instances. I doubt she will ever admit to anything you can’t prove.

[This message edited by asc1226 at 5:34 AM, Sunday, July 13th]

There are people who cheat and lie as easily as they breathe. It seems You are married to one.

I hope you realize she cheats because she is a cheater. She lies because she is a liar. Her behavior has nothing to do with you. She would do this whoever she was married to. She is like a bucket with a hole in it. You could pour all the love, all the sex, and she would leak it right out. Whatever is wrong with her she brought with her into your marriage.

Make sure you are getting enough nutrition. There are protein drinks that you can use if food is too iffy. Contact your dr if you need help with anxiety and sleeping. Do not try to tough this out because what you are going through is extremely stressful which can break down your immune system.

The strangest thing is that I read her text threads to him and she’s also constantly lying to him and creating some sort of alternate reality inventing that she has friends coming over and that she’s cooking food that never existed to make it seem like her life is different than what it is in order to get validation from him. I just see him egging her on in the conversations and manipulating her, but it’s not in my best interest to save her as she’s already lost to me. I’m gonna have to figure out a way to decline all her sexual advances if any for the next 30 days giving away what I know and losing my advantage.

Cough a lot and tell her you feel like you might have the flu. Drag that out.

If she is lying to her AP there is something seriously wrong with her. You might want to do some research just for your own information, but I think using an attorney and getting out as soon as you can is the best way to handle this.