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Thank you both x

I made it through the gig and enjoyed a lot of it. Bumped into a couple who are our mutual friends and couldn’t help but answer honestly when they asked how I was. Just told them I was struggling, he’d cheated and had an emotional affair and I’d asked him to move out the day before. They were shocked and sympathetic. I was getting lost in my thoughts toward the end of the gig, spacing out a bit and probably looking very distraught, and one of them seemed to notice and put her arms round me. It really made me jump, which I think speaks to how spaced out I was, but it was really sweet that she’d noticed and helped bring me back to the moment. I got nice hugs from them both when we parted.

I messaged him today to say I would like a month alone in the house to focus on my mental and physical health without his chaos spinning me out. (I have an office in the home where I see clients so I can’t really go anywhere else, but he has family and friends nearby that he can stay with.) I said we could discuss it more at couples therapy on Tuesday if he has any objections but he says it’s okay and he completely understands and will pick up more stuff while I’m out tomorrow. I’m pretty sure I can’t be in a relationship with him but I know my attachment is strong and I still desperately want him to snap out of where he’s at and I have nuggets of (overly optimistic!) hope in me still. I think a month apart will give time for my attachment to ease, all the chemical stuff to settle inside, for me to remind myself of the joys of living alone, to get a bit more perspective, feel less spun out by him, detach, centre myself, etc. And then we can talk and see where we’re at. Part of me wonders if I’ll need longer than a month but that’s another thing I’ll leave to discuss at couples therapy on Tuesday.

Gonna work on a self-care plan this weekend. Meal preps and exercise plans and friend check-ins and art projects and outdoors and social activities etc.

Glad that you went and friends were supportive!